Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Last Words, Ink.

Has anyone ever made a business out of writing obituaries for people before they die? The marketing brochure could read something like this:

To the Individual:

Why wait until you die? –Enjoy your obituary now.

· When you die, everyone will say nice things about you. Why not read them now?

· Why leave your loved ones the burden of writing your obituary?

· Give people something to remember you by: Your last words.

· Your obituary should be about you.

To the Family:

Why wait until you can't think straight? –Write your loved one's obituary now.

· Say what you've always wanted to say: Give your loved one the gift of your most cherished thoughts.

· Take the time now to arrange those thoughts – not after the fact.

· If needed, when the time comes, we will arrange for the obituary to be placed.

The typical, everyday obituary:

Solomon Grundy, age 77, of Nullsville, passed away Monday, October 22. Preceded in death by wife, Olive Grundy; parents, Fred J. Grundy and Prudence Grundy. Survived by sons, Greg (Millicent) Grundy and George Grundy; daughter, Priscilla (Marvin) Jones; brother, Octavius Grundy; sisters, Henrietta Harris, Genevieve Franklin, Eleanora Oswald; sister-in-law, Mary Grundy; brothers-in-law, Gerald Harris, Martin Franklin, Fred Oswald; grandsons, Jimmy (James), Jake, Larry and Calvin Grundy, Deke and Donald Jones; a host of nieces and nephews; other friends of the family; devoted pet, Zippy. Funeral service will be conducted on Thursday, October 25, 2007 at 1 p.m. in the chapel of Holy Moses Church in Grapevine, by Rev. Farley Trabue. Interment will follow in the Nullsville Memorial Cemetery. Visitation will begin on Thursday, October 25 at 9 a.m. in the Bunker Brothers Funeral Home, Nullsville. BUNKER BROS. FUNERAL HOME, 453-888-4532.

The Last Words, Inc. obituary:

Solomon Grundy, age 77, of Nullsville, passed away Monday, October 22. Known as "Solly" to his scores of friends, Solomon P. Grundy was a shining exemplar of Mark Twain's maxim that "We should so endeavor to live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry." A chimney sweep by trade, he was the owner and operator of Chim Cheree Clean Sweeps for some 25 years. Born and raised in the Big Sky country of Montana, he loved the outdoors and made all the world his own, "'tween pavement and stars." He started up the ladder of life as an art student in Chicago, where he came to appreciate the beauty and vitality of art; he was a painter and a wood-carver in his private life, and he loved to give the gift of his creations to those he knew and loved.
"My father was a wonderful and gentle man," said his daughter, Priscilla (Jones). "He was a talented artist. His carvings of animals were cherished by everyone. He could have sold them for money, but he loved giving them away as much as he loved making them.
"He loved our mother more than anything in the world; in the more than 40 years I was around them I never heard him say a cross word to her."
Mr. Grundy himself often said that, in his family, in his work, in his whole life, he was the luckiest man in the world – "as lucky as lucky can be."
Solomon "Solly" Grundy is survived by, among others, two daughters and a son.